Tattoo from Jabal Muhsin (al-akhbar)

Tattoo in Jabal Muhsin (source: al-akhbar)

Press conferences are now all the fad. They are slowly transforming into “halaqat dhikr” for the invocation of the divine.

Hassan Nasrallah’s political aide, Hassan al-Khalil, held a press conference yesterday. No, he did not declare a divine victory, but he besought God that sedition not move to Christian areas.

Aoun, who felt left out by the latest events, decided to hold his own press conference where he invoked the divine thrice:

I assure everyone that the danger to the [Christian] area is non-existant and illusory. We have an agreement with Hizballah from 2006 which will last until the end of time. If a bullet wanted to come from Dayiyah [southern suburb of Beirut] towards East Beirut, it will change its course, take a turn, and go elsewhere. So, do not fear.

أطمئن الجميع أن الخطر على المنطقة غير موجود ووهمي. نحن وحزب الله قمنا بتفاهم عام 2006 وسيدوم الى أبد الآبدين. الرصاصة إذا أرادت المجيء من الضاحية باتجاه الجهة الشرقية، ستغير مسارها وتكوّع وتروح لغير محل، فلا يخاف أحد

When asked if there were any arrangements with the Opposition to prevent clashes from spreading to Christian areas he answered:

There are angels not only in the heavens, but also on earth watching over so that the clashes do not move to Chrisitan areas.

هناك ملائكة ساهرون على الارض كي لا تنتقل هذه الاشتباكات الى المناطق المسيحية وليس فقط ملائكة في السماء

Before the cock crowed a fourth time, Talal Arslan (the politician previously known as prince), also held a press conference today to confirm that:

No one, not near nor far, wants to enter the houses of the sons [inhabitants] of the mountain and no one wants the surrender of the individual weapons in the possession of the sons of the mountain and in the possession of all Lebanese.

لا احد، لا من قريب ولا من بعيد، يريد الدخول الى بيوت ابناء الجبل ولا احد يريد تسليم السلاح الفردي الموجود بحوزة ابناء الجبل وبحوزة جميع اللبنانيين

That is the most valuable lesson to be learned from the events of the past week: the divine affirmation of the unalienable right of every Lebanese citizen to carry illegal arms. And is it any coincidence that the word for “gun” in Lebanese is “فرد” (individual)?